


Rainy Afternoon Tea

by SeasaltStars



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, M/M, healing together, implied nsfw, lorenz/ferdie besties, trans woman ferdinand von aegir
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-30
Updated: 2019-09-30
Packaged: 2020-11-08 04:39:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20829548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeasaltStars/pseuds/SeasaltStars
Summary: Lorenz and Ferdinand are just about the only two people who can stand the other among their classmates. They trust each other enough to talk about the things they can't tell anyone else...





	Rainy Afternoon Tea

**Author's Note:**

> A continuation from the "Fear" piece I wrote previously about learning to accept yourself and trusting the people you love, be it romantic or platonic. Yes, I do headcanon Ferdinand as a trans woman for my timeline and I'll be referring to her as a woman from now on when I write. I love exploring that story and I feel like it goes perfectly with Lorenz' growth, and they're good friends, so what better opportunity to have them grow together?

Lorenz decided he was going to have a nice teatime that afternoon, pounding rain be damned. It was an otherwise lovely Sunday off, Byleth deciding to give the class a chance to breathe (and certainly he found training in the rain as miserable as they did), and tea with a friend wasn’t a strictly outdoor activity by any means. Fortunately, Lorenz’ invitation was accepted… really, he was the only person who ever accepted.

Ferdinand and Lorenz sat across from each other by the window of Lorenz’ room, the end table moved and set to be a makeshift tea table with all the usual fixings. He had chosen the white porcelain teapot trimmed with a pattern of lace in gold ink, while Lorenz impressed him further by using his fire magic to brew the leaves; Almyran pine, a favorite of Ferdinand’s. He was the guest, after all.

“Your selection of treats is lovely, as always Lorenz.” Ferdinand popped another grape in his mouth, juicy and red. “Where DO you get such sweet grapes? The season is still too early, isn’t it?”

“Ah, they are Daphnel Jewel grapes, grown in the Alliance.”

“Like the wine?”

“Precisely. My father has a trade agreement with the winery, so we’re gifted choice grape harvests from time to time. They are a unique species grown only by that family, after generations of careful breeding.”

“I suppose that would justify the price tag, then.”

“Very much so, if you ask me.”

Ferdinand nodded, taking a small sip of his tea, still a little too hot.

“A pity we couldn’t have this outside today.” Lorenz gazed out the rain-spattered window; the sky showed no promise of letting up anytime soon.

“I like the rain,” Ferdinand offered gently. “The sound is soothing. And this is far cozier with the warm tea, don’t you think?”

“True.”

His stare lingered on the window. Cozy… and more private. Just the two of them. No prying eyes or ears.

Lorenz felt his heart skip a beat. Could he really do it…? Could he muster the courage to confide in someone?

“Ferdinand?”

“Yes?”

“I say this with complete sincerity. You are the closest friend I’ve made here at the Academy. You listen, and you understand. You do not… shun me as so many of the others do, even those from my own house. No, you are a good friend, and I trust you.”

He could have sworn Ferdinand’s face… paled?

But it was hidden behind an awkward smile almost immediately. “What’s this, Lorenz? I’m flattered, honored really, and I could say the same about you. You welcome me more than… well, anyone else in my class. I’m… pretty sure half of them hate me. But you went out of your way to seek my company today, and you always have.”

Lorenz smiled. “Well, I’m glad the feeling is mutual.”

“May I ask what brought this on, though?” Ferdinand poured himself more tea. “Feeling sentimental?”

“… Not quite. You see, I…”

Say it, Lorenz. Just say it.

“… There is something… I’m not being forthright about. And I need to tell someone. I need someone else to know, and… I trust you with it.”

Ferdinand folded his hands, focusing on Lorenz even if he couldn’t reciprocate his gaze. “You can tell me, Lorenz. I won’t tell a soul, if you don’t want me to.”

“I don’t. It… it needs to stay between us. There are people who could hurt me with what I’m about to tell you.”

“I understand. Go on.”

“I knew you would.” He took a deep breath through his nose, but still hesitated to get the words out.

“I… I prefer the company of men, Ferdinand. I’ve only recently faced it, accepted it. I’m not really interested in women at all.”

He dared himself to meet Ferdinand’s eyes, but his expression surprisingly didn’t seem… surprised. In fact, he seemed downright relaxed.

“… You don’t disapprove? You aren’t disgusted with me?”

“Not in the slightest, Lorenz.”

Finally, Lorenz allowed himself to exhale.

“I suppose I should tell you how I came to this conclusion?”

“Only if you want to tell me. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable for my sake.”

“Oh, it’s all a mess, Ferdinand.” He smirked, still bitter. Unjustly maybe, but still. “I sort of… snapped. There’s no better way to describe it. One second I was so angry, and the next I… I couldn’t help it. I was overcome. Like a dam had cracked inside of me, but a second later the whole thing burst open. Like all the times I’d denied myself without realizing caught up with me in one moment.”

Ferdinand nodded.

“… When all was said and done I… I couldn’t even be angry with myself. I didn’t /want/ to be. It had been the happiest I’d ever felt, and I couldn’t… I couldn’t force myself to pretend that it was nothing.”

“What did you do? If I may ask?”

Right.

“Ugh… don’t laugh?”

“I’d never.”

… He found this part much more difficult to say. His pride was still wounded.

“… Sylvain.”

Ferdinand choked on his tea.

“You said you wouldn’t laugh!”

“I’m-“ Cough. “I’m not! I just! Didn’t expect that! /Sylvain/??”

“Believe me, I didn’t expect it either.”

“But he chases after every woman in the monastery!” He dabbed his mouth with his handkerchief, trying his best to mitigate the spill. “I wouldn’t have guessed he preferred men as well.”

“That’s the issue; I don’t think he prefers women at all.”

“Then why pursue them?”

“… To hurt himself, I think.”

Ferdinand let the thought sink in for a moment, connecting the dots in his head. He’d heard Sylvain go off about crests once before… it made sense.

“Poor thing.”

Lorenz smirked. “Don’t let him catch you pitying him.”

“I don’t believe it’s pity to recognize someone else in pain.”

That was one way of looking at it, Lorenz considered.

“The way you view the world with such compassion is truly something to admire, Ferdinand.”

He smiled and looked down shyly at his hands.

“… Lorenz?”

“Hm?”

“I… I don’t mean to try and take away from your moment, I really don’t. I understand how hard that was, and how heavy that weight has been on your heart. But I…” 

He took a moment to sip his tea nervously, still avoiding eye contact.

“… I have a weight on mine as well. And, since we’re being so honest with each other…”

“You can tell me, Ferdinand.” He offered a smile. “I’m hardly in any position to judge anymore.”

Ferdinand continued to stare down at his gloved, daintily-folded hands. “… Your eyes get so soft when you’re being sincere, do you know that?”

“Do they now?”

“Mm-hmm.”

Silence passed. One moment turned into several. The hammering of rain highlighted the discomfort.

Ferdinand’s hands were shaking.

“… If it’s too much, you don’t need to feel press-“

“I need to.”

Silence again.

“… I can’t figure out how to word it.”

“Then don’t bother. Just say it directly. We may both be nobles, but you don’t need to put on such airs for me if it’s too difficult.”

Ferdinand nodded, then hesitated another moment.

“… I’m a woman. I wasn’t born or raised one. But I am one.”

The rain became almost deafening in the silence that followed.

“… Please, Lorenz, say something.”

“… My honest response? … It feels right to hear you say that.”

She snapped her gaze up, making direct eye contact now. “What? You mean it?”

“Absolutely. I feel like something about you just fell into place. Like I’m truly seeing you, now, for the first time.”

She just stared at him, mouth agape. Tears welled in her eyes.

“You… you really mean…”

“There now Ferdinand, no need for that.” He reached out with his own handkerchief to dab her eyes. “Er, do you still wish to be called Ferdinand? I’ll call you by whatever name you want.”

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot,” she sniffled, trying to compose herself. “I do like the name Ferdinand… perhaps because it’s familiar, but it feels… ‘close’? If that makes sense?”

“It does.”

“Still, it’s a man’s name… I do like Ferdie, even if it is a bit cutesy. But it can definitely be taken as a woman’s name, or more neutrally if nothing else. I still want to use something else, someday.”

“Not a fan of cutesy?” Lorenz smiled. “What sort of woman do you fancy yourself, then?”

“Oh, everything I already am!” She sat a little straighter at that, holding herself proud. “Elegant, diligent, compassionate, ready to help those who are suffering! Just, a woman instead of a man.”

Lorenz shook his head. “For a moment, I wondered if I was about to meet a completely new person. But that isn’t the case at all. I don’t see a different Ferdinand; I see a more complete version of Ferdie, unrestrained and ready to fly.”

“Lorenz, you’re going to make me cry again.” Hands still trembling, she poured herself another cup. “That’s one downside, really. The crying.”

“Downside? Of what?”

“Oh, I’ve started the transition process. It’s like… growing up a second time. It will take a long time, maybe years, before any drastic changes are obvious.”

“Really? How did you manage that here?”

“Professor Manuela. It’s a monthly white magic treatment, and she’s training me so I can do it myself after we’ve graduated.”

Ferdie sighed happily through her nose. “I’ve known for years, really. Well… I didn’t always know what /exactly/ I was feeling. I’m told that’s common, if no one’s around to educate you. But I’ve always known that something about me was ‘off’. Something different from the ‘good noble son’ they saw me as. But I didn’t dare say anything around my father… I learned that the hard way. When I was little, I remember mentioning once how I wanted to wear a pretty dress like the opera ladies wore, and… let’s just say he didn’t take kindly to that. He’d never accept me if I told him the truth… if his ‘good noble son’ wasn’t one of those three things. A sixty-six percent is still a failing mark.”

“He’s a rotten man.”

“The absolute worst. The last person I want to be is someone like him.”

She sipped her tea almost indignantly. “But once I figured out I was a girl, I promised myself that the second I got away from him, I would make the effort to be myself. To stop hiding. It was like a fantasy, something I always held onto. And fate smiled upon me, because Professor Manuela was exactly the person I needed for that. To hell with what my father thinks a year, five years, ten years from now. I’d rather demand forgiveness than ask his permission. I’ll be head of the Aegir house then, and he wouldn’t be able to undo it anyway.”

“You’re very brave, Ferdie. An inspiration, if I’m being honest. I could never gather the courage to tell my father I’m not interested in women.”

Ferdie shrugged. “I don’t see it as could or couldn’t. It’s a matter of when, to me.”

“Excellent point.”

Lorenz held up the teapot and conjured a tiny flame in his palm, holding it under the bottom. “You mentioned crying, though?”

“Right, right! The crying. Yes.” She laughed. “A common side effect, apparently, with the changes happening in the body. Sometimes I just… have to sit and cry for a few minutes. I could be feeling fine, not a care in the world, and the urge overcomes me. On Monday I cried for a good five minutes in the corner of the stables while on duty. Poor Ingrid felt so awkward, and I don’t think she believed me when I tried to dismiss it.”

“You didn’t tell her?”

“No. You’re the first person I’ve told.”

Ferdie traced her finger around the rim of her teacup. “It’s pathetic… I came here promising myself that I’d live life open, as myself, as the person I know I am. Yet I still haven’t found the courage to tell anyone but you, or Manuela. How long do I wait? Do I wait until I /look/ more like a woman in their eyes? Does that make it easier? Or does it not matter?” She shook her head. “It’s all so terrifying to think about…”

“I say tell them when you’re ready,” Lorenz offered. “Whatever that means for you. Those who support you are going to support you no matter how long you wait to tell them. And those who will be unkind about it… well, their minds aren’t the sort to change. Like your father’s.”

“… You’re right. I don’t think I’m ready now, but… I suppose I’ll know when I am.”

“You will.”

Ferdie finished the last of her tea, placing the cup gently on its saucer.

“Thank you, Lorenz… for everything. You’re the best friend anyone could ask for.”

“Thank you as well, Miss Ferdie. You didn’t ‘steal my moment’ at all, don’t worry about that. Honestly, you’ve helped me feel much better about myself. I don’t feel… so ashamed. Seeing you take the steps to live your life makes me want to do the same for mine.”

She smiled. “I won’t tell a soul, alright?”

“I know you won’t. Should I still refer to you as Ferdinand in mixed company? I don’t want to take that moment from you.”

“Yes… don’t feel bad about it. I’ve become very good at playing along, it doesn’t bother me.” She smiled, more to herself than Lorenz. “They don’t call me Ferdinand with malice, and you won’t either. I’m fine with that.”

Ferdie stood, handing Lorenz back his handkerchief. “Thank you for the tea, and for the afternoon. I really must be going now, but let’s do this again as soon as we can, alright?”

“Whenever you want. You’re lovely company, Ferdie, and I would drop damn near anything for a moment’s peace with you.”

A blush crept into her face. “I look forward to it. Goodbye!”

She saw herself out while Lorenz saw to cleanup, his chest feeling lighter than ever before.

…..

Everyone had to be asleep by now. Lectures resumed tomorrow morning, but Lorenz couldn’t bring himself to care. Certain that the only sound in the dorms was the pitter-patter of rain, still unrelenting, Lorenz opened his door and crept soundlessly down the hall. He shivered as the rain chilled the drafts of night air, wearing only his sleepwear… it’d be easier to take back off.

Sylvain, conveniently, had the room at the very end of the second floor hallway. The most private room.

To his surprise, candlelight flickered from the gap beneath the door. Sylvain, of all people, still up at this hour? He listened for a moment, sour at the thought that Sylvain had brought some girl back with him, but all he heard was rain, and maybe the scratching of a quill.

Lorenz knocked gently.

The scratching stopped. A pause, a scuff of a chair’s legs, and the door creaked open.

The rush that shot through Lorenz’ chest was almost enough to send him crashing to his knees. Sylvain’s hair was gently tousled, his warm eyes soft with sleep, his nightshirt… mostly unbuttoned.

Even the resulting smirk once he registered his late guest wasn’t enough to dim that softness from his eyes. “Lorenz.”

“Sylvain. Up at this hour?”

“Couldn’t sleep, figured I’d get some studying done.” He shifted his weight, his shirt falling open just a little more. “I like studying, believe it or not.”

“I believe it.” He’d seen Sylvain’s marks, and they were good, he’d give him that.

“I see you can’t sleep either?”

“I…” Lorenz bit back that petty contempt for Sylvain. He didn’t need it anymore, and wished it wouldn't linger much longer. “I would like to… humbly request your company. For the night. Again.”

Sylvain laughed, a soft sound that sent Lorenz’ heart thudding into his throat. He stroked Lorenz’ jawline with the back of his fingers, nudged them under his chin to raise it a little, and drew him in for a gentle kiss.

“… Get in here, you.”

Lorenz didn’t need to be told twice.


End file.
